The Absence of Inspiration

I’ve been wondering lately what it’s like for people who don’t really rely on inspiration as a part of their every day life. Do they just get up and go about their day every single day without any kind of worry that there will be days or weeks where they just lose it? They must not have the feeling of not being able to do anything because their inspiration just up and left them. Are there people like that?

I’ve been feeling that for the past two weeks and I have struggled mightly with wondering how to find my inspiration again. I took a road trip to see blink-182 a couple weeks ago and while it was massive amounts of fun I think it drained me of everything I had to offer.

I struggle with some physical stuff that leads to me being completely exhausted for days if I do stuff like that but I wasn’t expecting it to hit me mentally too. I was completely void of any kind of desire to do anything and I also felt like I had no good ideas. I didn’t cook or write and I basically became a couch potato pajama monster. It’s not something I really ever admit to but it happens to me a fair bit and it’s kind of a pain in the ass. I start thinking I’m not ever going to accomplish more than lying on the couch and watching Netflix.

I finally found a little bit of inspiration for a recipe I wanted to try and then the recipe came out terribly and I felt myself losing it again. I kept asking myself what the point is? What’s the point of making food and taking pictures of it and then sharing it online? Especially when I have to rely on what I’m able to create and I was feeling like my creativity betrayed me. I could feel myself retreating and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it.

Inspiration isn’t something that you can just go pick up at the store and sprinkle on yourself, it doesn’t grow like wildflowers, and there certainly isn’t a recipe for it. It wasn’t until I actually started thinking about all that though that I felt myself starting to have a few ideas here and there.

I thought what better way to find inspiration than writing about it. Even that’s hard though. My mind keeps wandering. I’m currently having a conversation about feminism, I’m listening to music, I keep surfing the web. It’s like my heart is ready to try and bust out with something and my brain is having none of it.

It’s a constant battle between the absence of inspiration in the presence of ambition. You would think ambition and desire to create would lend itself to be inspired but sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s not enough and what then? It’s a complicated push and pull and I’m currently trying to help them work together.

Then I wondered if force works. I want to be a better writer. I want to expand on the work I’ve been doing. These are things I know for certain. So even if I’m not feeling it on a certain day, or week, can I find a way to make it happen anyway. Even if nobody sees it. If it makes me feel accomplished and not like a pajama monster will that breed the inspiration I’m seeking? Maybe. This is my test. Trying to force the inspiration out and seeing if it works. Trying to find where it comes from and how to not let it go.

It’s hard to rely on creativity to achieve what you want because there is no simple answer. Everyone gets their inspiration from different places. On second thought; maybe inspiration does grow like wildflowers. Maybe there is a recipe for it. Step 1. Mediate Step 2. Listen to music Step 3. Dance it out. Step 4. Create. Adjust ingredients and steps to preference. I don’t know if you can find it at a store to sprinkle it on yourself but if you could I think bottled inspiration would come in the form of essential oils. It’s all about what inspires you and where you can find it. It’s different for everyone and it’s probably not as hard to find as I think it is.

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