Just My Confidence & Me

Just My Confidence & Me - Modern Little Victories

I never really explained anywhere why I gave this site the name that I did. Little Victories comes from a song of the same name by Matt Nathanson. It is one of my favorite songs musically but especially lyrically.

If you’re like me and have dealt with any form of anxiety you know how it feels to be proud of yourself for doing something that might seem so minor to some people. Something as simple as going to a crowded grocery store or restaurant, or being in a place with people you don’t know, or staying at a party far longer than you normally would. It took me a while but I finally learned that I’m allowed to pat myself on the back for the littlest things because often times they took the biggest effort.

I have been called a hermit, a party pooper, anti-social and probably a whole host of other things because people think that’s actually what I am. Without realizing that sometimes it takes everything inside of me to do a simple thing like going to a crowded party. I never try and explain any of this to people and I just let them think what they wish because most of the time I don’t think they would understand. Anxiety is still seen as such a stigma that I think

Quite like the song says I’m often weakened to my knees. So while people thing I’m being anti-social or whatever the case my be it’s actually just a daily struggle of me wanting to do something and my brain talking me right out of it. Which is why the little victories are so important. All the little things that often times feel like big things to me add up and they carry me through.

I’m leaving on a trip to England tomorrow and I’m scared out of my mind. I’m also the most excited I’ve ever been but anxiety doesn’t take a holiday just because that’s what I’m doing. Although that would be great if it did, hey?

Even though that’s not the case all of my little victories over the last few years have led me to this place where I know that somehow, in spite of my anxiety, this is something I can do. For all the worry and the what-ifs that I feel I keep replaying the line in the song that says “This time, I’ll have no fear. I’ll be standing strong and tall.” And I will. Just my confidence and me. That’s what it’s going to take to do this and I know it.

So celebrate all of your little victories. The things that may seem miniscule or like they are just a normal part of life. The things that people may wonder why you would even celebrate something like that. Because the little things are the big things or at least they all certainly add up that way. You never know where they are going to take you or what will come of them but they all matter. All your little victories matter because they are yours and they are what will see you through the hard days. The days where you feel like nothing is going right or your drowning under the weight of all the things that keep you up at night. If you had enough courage and confidence though to do even the tiniest thing that made you happy or proud, well then that’s more than enough and you’re doing alright.

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