It’s Time To Stop Asking Women Why They Are Single

972ae49b1f2191da79bbf1975beea9f8I’m going to say this once so that if this is the only line of this entire post you read then at least you will get the point…stop asking me why I’m single. And while we’re at it stop assuming I have a boyfriend. That goes for all women who are single not just me. Please stop asking why. The fact of the matter is that it’s none of your business.

I was at the doctor last week and while I was having my vitals taken the nurse/MA/whatever he was asked me about my blood pressure. He asked me if it’s always the same and I said no it’s never consistent. He then proceeded to ask me if I was under a lot of stress and I said yes because that question was fair enough. Stress can manifest itself in your body in a lot of ways and since I was at the doctor it was a relevant question. His next statement however floored me. After I said that I was under a lot of stress his response was “well kick him to the curb.” I awkwardly laughed and explained that a boy was not the cause of my stress. The audacity though of a medical professional to tell me that though was just beyond my comprehension. Maybe I wouldn’t have thought twice about it but I feel like I’m always explaining to people that I’m single. Like always. And it’s because people are either asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend or they are assuming (like he did) that I am in a relationship.

Yes, I am single. I have been for a while and I’m perfectly fine with that. I do not need nor want to date someone just because I feel like that’s what society expects of me. I don’t have the time or energy to just date someone to date someone. I would much rather wait to find someone that I really connect with. I’m fine with that. What I’m not fine with however is the constant barrage of questions and assumptions this fact leads to.

I know that people mean well and they are not doing it from a place malice and in fact most times they are…sweet?… about it. The question “why are you single” is often prefaced by them saying “you’re so nice/ you’re so pretty,” or any other variation of those things. As if my personality or looks are any less just because they aren’t shared with a man. That’s what irks me the most and I imagine other single women feel the same. Our happiness or our feelings about ourselves are not dependent on men and being in a relationship. I know that I’m a nice person and I know that I’m not terrible looking. Me being single doesn’t make those any less true nor does it mean that I’m automatically more likely to have a boyfriend just because that’s how you see me. I’m not entitled to a relationship just because I can cook and really like to watch sports.

Not only do people question it but I’ve come to learn over the years that this has also lead to people (and by people I mean some of my family) wrongfully assuming I’m a lesbian. Excuse me but in what world does someone have the right to assume my sexuality just because I don’t act the way that they think I should. I mean. Honestly. You can think I’m a lesbian all you want, I’m not and I know that and again I don’t need to date someone I don’t want to just to prove otherwise. What I don’t understand though is why there is so much pressure on woman to be dating or have a boyfriend.

I saw a commercial for a car rental company twice today and in it the guy from the rental car place goes to
pick up a girl because that’s the service they offer. The girl then proceeds to pretend he is her boyfriend just so that her parents will get off her back about why she’s single. If we are to the point that companies are using this as a marketing gimmick then something has gone wrong.

This isn’t a joke and it’s not something to laugh about. You don’t know how a woman feels if she’s single. Maybe she struggles with it and really wants to find someone that she can be with. Maybe she puts herself out there only to get burned and it’s really hard for her to trust anyone. By you constantly pestering her or asking her why she’s single you are not helping anything. Truth be told, it’s none of your business. A woman’s relationship status doesn’t affect you in anyway and you don’t get to have an opinion on it.

I am strong. I am a girl almighty. I don’t need to be in a relationship that I don’t want. Too many women see being single as a bad thing. Like it’s taboo to be single. They feel the need to rush into a relationship that isn’t right for them or they think they will be looked down upon or that people will judge them or think there is something wrong with them. Darling, if you are single and feeling that way please know you have nothing to prove to anyone. You are fierce and strong and you can move mountains all on your own. The feelings of being inadequate because you aren’t dating someone come from society making women feel like that and I’m over it. I’m over trying to answer why I’m single or having to explain that I’m single when someone asks me about my boyfriend that they just assume I have. I’m not jaded about being single I’m jaded about being asked why I am.

My standards are set very high and sometimes I find myself thinking maybe they are too high. Maybe I should lower them or stop expecting to find someone that fits into that idea in my head. Then I realize that is the worst thing I can think. That would be settling just because I feel like I have to and I’m not here to play that game. I’m not here to let society bully me into a relationship just because it’s available to me. If I’m not feeling it I’m not feeling it and until I do I’ll stay single. So to everyone who wants to know why I’m single here’s my answer: because I am. Nothing more, nothing less.


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